Thursday, June 7, 2012

Possibly I Shouldn't Admit To This

But you know, it's just so representative of my life, I feel I must.

I'm sure you all remember that Cubby has recently been relocated to a new bedroom?  Well, this relocation meant that I now had access to the Secret Stair again.  The Secret Stair leads from the library to Cubby's old bedroom*, and so it was locked shut from the inside of the bedroom to keep Cubby from attempting the steep steps unbeknownst to us, and then blockaded from the bottom so the Devil Cat wouldn't work the non-latching door open and prowl around outside Cubby's door while said child was trying to sleep.

There are a lot of mischievous creatures at Blackrock.

That meant that the Secret Stair had not been looked in lo these many months.  I was pretty sure there were some bottles and things in there that I might need for the new baby, plus I was VERY sure it could use some cleaning, so I braced myself, opened the door, and started sorting all the junk that had accumulated in there before it got closed off.

I found, in addition to many random papers, books, and magazines, the sandals I was looking for just yesterday, a pair of wool pants that A. had been asking about a long time ago, and three butternut squashes.  Which had been in there since, uh, October.  And yet, miraculously, were not rotted into mush.  In fact, they look perfect.  I haven't cut them open yet, but I must say I'm impressed with their longevity.

Then I made my way to the landing at the top, outside the bedroom door.  When A. was putting insulation in the attic this winter, he dropped down the plastic wrappers from the insulation through the attic trap door that opens into the Secret Stair.  I hadn't known that plastic was up there, so I went to get a big garbage bag to throw it out.  As I was gathering it up and pulling it off the landing, I heard something fall to the bottom of the steps.  I figured it was a work glove or something.

Then I saw the small piece of skull on the landing.

And then I looked down at the base of the steps, where I saw the most mummified, horrifying squirrel carcass I have ever had the misfortune to come across.

Except I didn't know it was a squirrel until I called A. down to identify it for me and he told me he had found it in the attic--already dessicated-- and thrown it down the trap door in preparation for disposing of it, then accidentally covered it with the plastic and forgot about it.

OH MY GOD, THAT IS SO GROSS.

I mean, it wasn't rotting and smelly or anything, but still.  Mummified squirrels falling from on high are no one's idea of a good time.

A. took it away. Along with the plastic, which I refused to have anything more to do with on the grounds that I had no confidence it wasn't concealing more horrors.  I finished my cleaning with trepidation, but didn't encounter anything worse than cobwebs after that.

I knew I was avoiding that staircase for a reason.

* Does this make anyone else think of  the game "Clue"?  It was Miss Scarlet in the library with the pipe wrench!  And she escaped via the Secret Stair.

5 comments:

Sherry said...

LOL! This is one of your best! That mummified squirrel would have sent me over the edge.

Becky said...

Thank you for not posting a photo.

Sister’s Sailor said...

You need to ask you sister about the spaghetti squash that we tried to eat a while ago. We had forgotten when we bought it, but it was still firm. So I cut it open and there were all of these sprouts. In my wisdom I figured we could just clean them out, and cook up the squash, which I did. Well, the taste was that of wet dirt! Needless to say that turned into a Pizza Hut night and laughter by all..

naptimewriting said...

Soooooo cool to have a secret stair and sooooooooooooooo gross to have a dead thing in there, although, I guess you got off easy because I was picturing mushy squash and vermin eating it.
So, um, yay for your dried out squirrel?

Anonymous said...

You'd be surprised just how long those tan winter squash and pumpkins keep.
Good it was a no stink death !
No car seat?
The hubs here said ...Cubby probably would've thought that squirrel skull was really neat!
Guys...oy. Beth